SACRIFICE AND REWARD...

The song that stamped awesomeness locked within me,

That which I could only see through hearing,

My admiration,

My crushes,

And crashes,



The young girl that saw so much,

Had so much strength,

And enough wit to go through it all.

Giving so much to myself when few did,

Inhaling all that comes with being with me,

Knowing oneself,

The being that breathes fire under water,

The one whose happiness is limited,

But deep joy knows no limits,

The being that sees beauty in all seen and heard.

That girl that defied all odds,

All shortcomings,

And came forth to be the awe we see today.

All the goodness oozing all over flesh of thine flesh.

Silence of the heart does not always mean peace,

My daughter has taught me it means one is human enough,

To know the thin line between sacrifice and reward.

 

LOVE, LIFE, DEATH...

Never once did I think I would go back,

Again,

To the very place I so dreaded,

Having locked away all that is me,

How could I do it?

How would I?

Death is not something you make cheap talk with.

It is like the bitter landlord,

Who believes all are against his quest to be rich.

I should not have been toying with the possibility of going to the other side.

Of the chance to see that which I believed was gone forever.

Life is good.

It gives us experiences we never thought we would have.

If you can imagine it,

Then that's not it.

It will probably be better than you imagined.

That's why we say 'unimaginable'.

We can never outdo life.

He who has created enough inspiration for Kings and heads,

Pieces known to bag awards.

Love, death and life,

They all have one thing in common.

They have us.

ON HIS DEATHBED...

But on his deathbed,

That's all he asked for,

The breeze on his face,

On a rainy day,

Watching the raindrops race to the pane,

So is the way of life,




Though others lead and others follow,

We all go down,

To the same window pane.

The thrill of a child's fingers,

On his face,

Her innocence,

Reaching out to him,

Feeling every ounce in it.

The morning sun's rays,

That present with it a new chance,

To right the wrongs done,

Or come to terms,

With wrongs undone.

The lover's touch,

One who made his face burn with pleasure,

Of the joy the heart knows every time,

She called his name,
 
Of the anxiety of a forbidden affair,

Looking at them,

And them you,

Saying not what not the earth knows,

But the two of you,

Of a mother's love.

That he longed to have,

Even though he felt it for a few days,

It was fulfilling.

Just like the deep laughter that came,

With life's simple joys,

But here he is now,

Almost saying goodbye,

Though life leaves him,

He still liveth.



 

THE PATH OF LIFE...

Cry not child,
Even though the path is dark,
Morning is yet to come

Weep not,
For it's at the darkest hour,
That promises are fulfilled

Wisdom comes not in  a nightfall,
But in days seen,
And things done

Count it all joy,
That you have seen the light of day,
And dark of night



It is he who burns the midnight candle,
That has much to eat,
When the day comes


See the good in all deeds,
Both good and bad,
For every man has each side

Turn your eye to those who build you
Both young and old,
They will help you

Forgive and forget,
Fill thine heart with thoughts,
Of goodness and wholeness,
Only then will you reap the fruits of joy

Never you turn a blind eye,
To those in need,
You might tread that path tomorrow

Bear children,
Whose names you will not shudder to mention,
Let their light shine in somebody,
For it is through them,
That we keep the soul upright

Set goals,
Make mistakes
Let the past be the past,
But carry its lessons to your future

Bring joy,
To those who cross your path,
Be who they need.
In the path of life,
We always switch routes

SO IS THE WAY OF LIFE...

Of chances lost and opportunities gained,
Of ways closed down and paths opened,
Of love lost and hate conceived,
So is the way of life

That nothing is constant,
That all chances ought to be protected,
To be held close,
Lest they pass us by.

Of routes travelled,
Of people met,
Of lives lost,
Of babies born,
So is the way of life that touches everyone in many a way,
Though we all live one life.


Of earth shaken, 
Of rising sun,
Of dirt in the heart,
Of shine on the flesh,
So is the path we all tread,
Though not all are aware

Of days seen,
Of days unseen,
Of dark shone bright,
Of candles blown out,
Of ways brighter than we imagined,
So is the chance birthed,
For every soul known to the world.

Of crying babies and angered fathers,
Of sad mothers and lost brothers and sisters,
Of tears shed and teeth gnawed,
Of anger conceived and revenge instilled,
So is the heart of the enemy,
Who seeks justification of all wrong-doings.

Of people met,
Of days seen,
Of nights revelled,
Of love made,
So is the beauty that life offers,
Be careful to take it.

I DARE YOU...

I dare you to believe in love,
To believe in loving somebody so much,
It makes you cry.
Love someone so bad,
You are willing to share them,

I dare you,
To find one person you will dedicate your life to,
Cherish none but them,
You may fall,
But there is no reason,
Why you shouldn't believe again.


I dare you not to wait around,
For when they will come around.
Take the bold step,
And help them believe.

I dare you to look at someone,
And let them see through you.
Put aside all you are,
Let them in,
To see all that you have worked so hard to hide from all.

I dare you to make them believe,
On the same love you hold so dear,
So close.
Your love for them,
Even when they do not believe.

I dare you to open up,
Be vulnerable,
Let yourself loose,
High to the sky,
Yet weak like a thread.

I dare you to let your heart beat for a stranger,
Let your feelings be filled with them.
With the rising and the setting of the sun,
No time as short as when they spend a day with you.
No night as beautiful as one seen through their eyes.

I dare you,
To live in the sphere that is their name.
Forget about right and wrong,
Throw readiness out the window.
Keep holding on to what you feel for them,
What you believe.

I dare you to be selfless,
And focus all your energy on a single soul,
No thoughts of what, why, or if,
Running to them,
Talking to them,
Running on empty,
So they can be satisfied.
Always ready to get them started.

I dare you to forget every part of you,
That does not remind you of them.

I dare you to believe in their love for you.
That they would do all that you do, and more.

I dare you to cry when it hurts,
Because they are not there anymore.
And you do not know the first thing about moving a step ahead.

I dare you to believe they are more concerned about you than they have ever been about anyone else.
I dare you to love him,
Even when it doesn't feel right.
And everyone is asking you not to.

I dare you to stand up for what you have.
To block out all parties that may drain all that you have worked on.
To refuse to lose any more,
To refuse to fall,
To refuse to hurt,
To refuse to sit on the fence,
But act on your belief.

I dare you to see the real thick and thin,
And still be there to believe,
And to love,
Even when all sand is sinking around you.
Be ready to turn no page that does not have them written on it.
I dare you to believe in love.

I dare you.

BURYING MEMORIES...

...I fought,
a good fight?
Perhaps not.

Down on my knees,
I shouldn't have brought you in,
I shouldn't have been open,
I sure shouldn't have told you are the best I have seen.

First time I open up to you,
and put myself up for loneliness.
Swirling in the depth of my own tears,
The same road that brought me here
Now all too lonely.

My calm you eroded,
My best you threw away.
I shouldn't have been your bait.

Wipe out all my makeup, 
Make up for all I've lost,
Bun up all my mane,
The freedom of my pony,
That's what I'll emulate.

Lose my sleek gown,
Fold up my farmer's shirt.
Be real to me, myself and I.

If I gave,
You deserved it.

Pull me up, 
Put me down,
A chance I have got, 
To search again,
For love I am yet to know.

Treat me right,
I'll pull you up.
Treat me wrong,
You'll die alone.

My axe is sharper than knife,
My spade all too the same.
Dig it up in depths that my love for you went.

Tonight,
I bury your memories,
Though the love lives on with me.
 

LONE ACTRESS...

Closing the chapter that is you,
Been writing this tale too long,
Two roles,
But all I see is one.
The acts and scenes,
Nothing but acts and sins,
Committed in lust,
While love should have been the main theme.

Directors of motion not our hearts,
But ambitions on your path yet known to me,
Head that way while I head this way,
In a bid to find ourselves together on the common ground that is life.

I'm standing here,
Holding the ball of love,
Ready to play catch with you.

But I keep turning and turning,
And waiting,
But all I see is trees.
I see shadows.
I feel fear.
My breath so abrupt.
I do not understand what is going on.
My whole world is in circles.

My book,
It's tearing to pieces.
I keep holding it together,
But I'm unsuccessful on my venture.

I can't see you.
It's getting cold.
I'm getting cold.
My pen is drying up.
With what am I to write?
With whom am I to act?

Scenes flash before me,
Of the aside I did not note,
While I switch to a mature role,
You declare another role,
To the actress that is not me.

I walk back from behind the scene,
And demand back my role,
But you are a million miles away,
Though I hold your hand.

My instinct warns me of a forthcoming storm,
Guard my heart it says.
Bear my pen and paper,
Out of the woods I ride.
It's time for new casting.
 

 

YOU SHOULD SEE ME NOW...

You should see me now,
I grew into a beautiful girl.
I have been told I have a charming smile,
But what they do not know,
Is I look exactly like you.

Growing up without you
Hasn't been easy,
But not once did I forget you.
All you taught me has been handy,
All you told me too useful,
Even though you were not here,
Not  a day went by that you were not in my life.

I brought  a boy home the other day,
You would have loved him same way I do.
I met a boy who cares for me,
Just like you do.

He is well travelled and speaks good english.
He holds my hand and makes me laugh.
Me, you and him would have made a world of perfection.
You should see me now,
See what I turned into.

Did I do it right?
Did I make you proud?
Did I put it like you like it?

Not a single day passes without you with me,
Even though you have been gone too long.

I step forward with pride,
Of all I've become,
Been struck down many a time,
Been too low for a while,
But your love brought me back up,
Pushed me a day farther,
To bring me closer to what I have become.

You should see how I turned out,
I know I made you proud.
Sometimes I swear it's the only thing that keeps me going.
To know you are smiling down on me,
Preparing a place right next to you,
Though not a day goes by,
When you are not with me.
You are not here,
But not a day,
Not a day goes by,
That you are not here.

 

WHAT I'M AFTER...

Beautiful people,
They don't come easy you see,
Real beauty,
That which does not age,
That which stands the test of time,
Beauty that the whole world can attest to,
One heard by the deaf and seen by the blind,
That is what I'm after.

Your soul so bright,
Your eyes like a light,
Purity is what I'd use to define you,
Carry it in thine hands,
And tell the world that I have,
Known your inner person,
That I have been blessed enough,
To see that which many are yet to set eyes on.
I have seen you.

I have seen your strength,
I have seen your courage,
And witnessed the life of  a girl in an environment as harsh as the one you live in.
 Viewed as a piece of property,
Piece that measures wealth,
Like you would an animal or tracts of land.
They forget that you alone,
Are the most expensive piece of wealth man can know.

You possess value that can't have a price tag.
Not to worry dear child,
Strength is measured by the days you have seen the rising sun,
While on your two feet as you face your enemies.

Carry your pot of water.
However cracked,
it carries its contents home and fills a bigger tank.
Everyone sees the crack,
You do too,
And I as well,
But that does not deter you from being who you are.

Fighting everyday to stamp your existence,
To people who merely view you as a piece of property.
Fight on dear child.
You.
You are what we are after.
 
The African child.
She holds all hopes of days unseen on her cracked heels,
Her snow-white eyes, her curly hair, her dark skin, 
Rich like her continent.

The beauty in her beads, however heavy,
Transcends to all those around her.
This is what I'm after.
Her ability to take each scorching sun,
And turn it into a bright day full of hope.
This is what we should all be after.
Is it not?

I am blessed,
That I have known you.
Heavens have favoured me,
For I have on me dark skin, curly hair, cracked heels and full lips.

I have seen my reflection on the mountain river.
The blue sky surrounding my face,
The sound of the flow surrounds my imagination,
Filling it with hope for a new day.

As the river flows,
And as the forests remain green,
I shall be the African child,
One whose predicaments are numerous,
But her faith remains as strong as the deeply rooted Mugumo,
Deep and wide,
As vast as the Lake Victoria,
And as refreshing as the coastal coconut trees.


 
 
 

TREMBLES...

Trembles,
That's what they are.
Trembles.
They shake you up to levels you have never imagined.
Trembles.
Defying them defines you.
Staying away from them quite impossible.


Trembles.
They'll follow you to the deepest holes,
And catch you before you know it.
Sucking all the heat away from you.
All warmth.
Warmth from happiness,
Warmth from love,
Courage's warmth,
Confidence's warmth.
Trembles,
Oh they can be heartless.

A man is sad when they are destined to catch him.
Trembles to the heart cause fear.
Fear so deep it melts the coldest heart.
Fear,
That which freezes fire.
Trembles.
Beware, for they come without warning.

In shadows and whispers they hide.
Darkness their only home.
Trembles,
Oh you should avoid her.
She'll come disguised as a beautiful woman,
With the subtleness of a hare,
And grace of the savanna antelope.

You should tremble when you hear her.
She doesn't announce her arrival,
She walks with the silence of the feline's paws.
To be forewarned is to be forearmed.
Not all that glitters is gold.
Bear your weapon dear friend.
Sit still,
And let not trembles descend on you.

Machete in discipline,
Bow and arrow in openness and honesty,
Trembles can be overcome.
Live your life forthright.
Let people look at you and say,
He was a good man.

The book of your life has one author that is you.
Do not tremble in defining your own path.
Fiction, prose, play, poetry,
All that you can choose to put down,
As the unfolding story that is your life.
Trembles seeks not those who write their own story.
She trembles at the mere sight,
Of souls whose story they write each day.



 
 

HELP. ME.

Sometimes I,
Feel like I am fighting,
Fighting forces that will not back down,
Forces that end up determining who I am.

Forces whose path I do not understand.
It's tiresome.
Instances where I am filled with so much hatred,
Hatred that fires up my eyes.
Hatred even for fellow human beings.
People I should instead love.

These forces,
They make me,
Make me think of acts,
Acts I fear thinking about.
Being full of oneself,
Selfishness,
Pride,
Pride that leads to big falls,
Falls that may destroy all that I have built over the years.

But, 
Achieving all that I deem so special ends up feeling so empty.
What I thought was pure, turns out to be slimy.
And after losing alI thought was useless, I feel lost, empty.
 Empty like an abyss.Trying to fill the spaces feels so hard.
And I can't stop.
Over and over I try to read one page at a time,
But I find myself with three books in my hand.

All emotions in my path intercepted today.
They all ganged up against me?
For me?
I do not know.
I only know I need help,
Fast,
But if I know I need help,
Then I am safe,
or perhaps there's a bigger problem,
Something I am yet t understand.
I fear the unknown.
Help.
Me.

 
 

THE STORYTELLER...

They loved me,
Because I was a good storyteller,
Sharing my story so well
I felt like they were there
Only problem is I only said the beautiful part.

And now you think that's all I made you believe,
That I lie when I say I love you,
My children,
If I should put all the fear away from you,

And do so by making you believe that bad doesn't exist,
Then go right ahead and believe.
Because bad exists in what you believe.

Happiness is a choice.I ask you to pick that path.
Believe in my story telling,
Of boys met and of moneys lost.

Believe all I have been able to share with you.
It makes me who I am.
Who you know,
Perhaps not every piece of me,
But the most believing part
That carries more weight than flesh and blood.

Believe the stories of this storyteller,
Perhaps not as genuine.
I lied, in a bid to make you know the truth,
That life offers you choices,
And to believe storytellers, or not,
Those like me who say what we deem fit,
Truths and half truths,
Of loves lost and of good music,
One whose lyric says all we hold near to the heart,
Whose beat is the one in the heart,
Will make you wise.

Was I good a storyteller?
Of lives lived and friends lost?
Of ties broken and and bonds newly made,
I sure hope I was,
One to inspire your own story,
However different from mine it may be.

It don't matter too much.
I hope I form part of any bone in the body that is your story,
Be part of the heart that makes it live.
Of stories told in mine shared,
I, the storyteller ,
Of the lore yet written.

WHEN I BELIEVED...

On a night as this,
I crawled into my skin and tore you out
You whose being I have known for many a day.
My person is changing you see.
I am who I am, but different when with you.
Incredibly unbelievable what I could do
When I believed.

I have not been inspired
To be the best I have been.
But you wouldn't know that, now would you?
Because all that you are, and all that I am
Makes an unstoppable storm I am yet to comprehend.

Storms tear my heart as I put this down.
Smiles not a common feature on my once fair face.
All the uncommon becoming a used-to feeling I have learnt to master
Disguise and lies my newly found heart throbs.
It's not easy being a strong person with no multitude to cheer you on.
Sometimes all a hero needs is a single soul to believe
When their own is too weak to do so.
When I believed, or not.

Lights dim
Music low
Darkness surrounding me brightly reflects all that is within.
Soft whispers fill my head
Of days passed when I believed
And so did you, 
In the storm that was you and I.

Trust and faith
Not easy to come by, not so?
Virtues many are yet to believe in,
Even though it may be hard and near impossible,
I did that with us,
And lost my being in the process.

Bad position to be in this one,
Where the only saviour mine soul has,
Is the very same one who threw it away.
Sad case not quite uncommon in a life such as the one I lead.
But I have to believe,
Even when all souls surrounding me do not partake of the same calling as I,
It is the only ray of hop I will hold on to, if I am to live,
to ever believe in anything as beautiful as this was,
When I believed.



 
 

TO BE LOVED BY YOU...

It's been long.
I still go to the old woman's house to take her food
She still asks about you
I should come up with a better excuse other than you being busy
She liked you you know,
I should know.
It is among the most amazing things you taught me how to do

To love and be loved
Be loved by you

Well babe,
It's been too long
But not long enough to forget you.
I moved on,
Dated him
And you her.
She looks happy,
And that makes me sad.

I know I shouldn't be looking at you?
But where else do I look?
Where else?
Ain't no place else makes me look as beautiful 
As I do when I see myself in your eyes.

Big, dark and beautiful.
Bold as you are.
Brown like the earth
Rich enough to love and be loved
Just like you taught me

He holds me,
Cares for me
But ain't no touch as soft as yours

Don't get it twisted though,
I'm not jealous.
I would just rather be in her shoes.

Do you still go out dancing?
It reminds me of all the crazy dancing we did together.
That was alot, huh?
I'll smile at the thoughts of you
Play with my fingers and lick my lips when you are close
Because even though I'm not being loved by you
I know you loved me once.

THE WAR OF LIFE...

Didn't  I do it right?
Didn't I do all I said I would?
Wasn't I who I said I would be?
Didn't I become all that you wanted?

I honoured my end of the bargain.
But you repay me with unkindness,
and mock my humility.

You whose feet I have wiped,
whose stomach I have filled.
and head roofed.


No gratitude whatsoever,
From a soul as filled as yours.
Not knowing what I need,
And knows not what it is to appreciate. 

You are cursed dear friend.
For no man's sin shall go unpunished. 
Lucky are you,
For you have known bonds
With friends and kin of a kind nature.

They have taken in all your unfounded episodes,
And not so meticulous many an action.
Heed my words dear friend. 
Look for the good in all the bad. 
Take time to share a kind word. 
He is wise,
He who knows a clear heart,
And has no trouble making clean any impure hearts.
 
There is hope.
Even for you, 
Whose heart the judge supreme,
Will not spare in my books scripted. 

Those before me, myself and those to come,
Have said our own,
Take it. 
Feed a man and you shall not help him, 
Give him a spoon, and he shall have learnt a new skill.
Oh the spoons we have accorded you dear friend!
Partake of the table of wise men, 
And you shall be a warrior in the war of life.

MY LOVE FOR A BLIND MAN...

I wish I could cry,
but even that might not ease the pain,
the aches,
That come every time I think of you.

It was marvellous,
though short lived.
Will you hate me,
If I tell you I knew this before it happened?
I knew it would come.
Because boys like you,
don't love girls like me.

Boys like you don't cause hurt.
But you didn't even know I fell in love with you,
I was afraid you see,
of having this hole in me at a time like this.
Boys like you,
you don' talk about feelings, because you don't see.

My love for a blind man,
proved to me that you don't need eyes to see certain things,
and even if you do have the gift of sight,
you could be as blind as a blind man. 
Not seeing all that is before you.
Girls like me,
We love in silence, and wait for the bomb of a heartbreak to go off on us,
Shutter our tiny hearts into nothing short of a thousand pieces.

I am too blind,
just like love.
We don't see the future. 
We don't see holes before we fall into them. 
We are too trusting and crush too easily. 

My blind lover, 
you helped me see things I never knew existed. 
Your kindness shone through all magnificence
that's high valued than gold and diamond.

How do I awake from my shuttered being? 
It's not easy being a girl like me. 
It takes more than just the bright of day,
to get us up and running. 
Girls like me, 
are not covered in blind cowardice.
We brave every heart ache with a rolled up sleeve. 
We have enough strength to love the blind man.

I LOVE YOU TOO...

I love you too.
I miss saying those words.
Ain't nobody loving me but myself,
Ain't nobody sending me flowers and sprucing up my day.
Words that welcome the brittleness of my heart,
Not caring if it'll hurt.

I love you too.
Words that I long to have leave my lips,
To a well deserving stud on the other end.
Colour my heart in red,
Violet and royal blue,
Get my heart ready for a deserving stud at the other end,
Adorn my silk soft dress, hair well too arranged for an occasion nothing short of special,
Standing by my side,
a well deserving stud,
Of words I have longed to have leave my lips.

Love,
My dominant inspiration,
On a day as special as this one,
When I open the gates to my soul,
and let you in.

Quite the risk I'm taking, 
For a well deserved stud like you by my side,
Stand here long enough, will you?
Watch me crumble with desire to have you close,
Soft touch, calculated embrace,
Slow enough for me to feel every nerve ending awakened,
By yours credulous presence,

Maturity of my being,
after so many a hurt,
Will be more than ready to have it all in,
And take nothing out,
But the words I have longed to have leave my lips,
I love you too.

HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME...

Happens to me all the time,
Always in love
With a different guy,
Tonight's guy,
Oh he's different.
Charming Mister Right.
Cool, but he don't even know it.
Swept me, but he don't even know it.
He my Mister right.

Charmed me but he don't know it
Stole my heart tonight.
And even though you's got your heart not here,
I gats yours in me.

Happens to me all the time,
But you's my main man tonight.


Crazy I is,
But if that's what keeps you,
Then stay the night.
Happens to me all the time,
Always in love with a different guy.

Oh, you's different.
You smile right,
Love me right,
Talk right,
Oh you's Mister right,
In love with me tonight.

I hope it's a long night this one,
So I stick with you,
Don't wanna do it,
Like the other night.
Once and for a lifetime,
That's you, my man.
Not just for tonight,
but many a night,
Happens to me all the time,
But you's the night for a lifetime.

Here Now

Here now
I stand alone
I feel so lost
Never before have I so.
The light I've always followed,
Seems so blurred right now.

It does not
feel like light anymore
More of a blurry white spot.
If I lose sight of where I am going,
Of who I am,
What will I become?
Lost? Confused? Afraid?
Afraid.
That's what I am.
Fear to lose oneself is what engulfs me.
Call it jitters.
I call it fear.
My whole life, I've always believed.
Why is this happening now?
It's either my biggest break, or biggest fall.

Here now,
I stand alone.
You know who else stands alone?
Winners.
That's right!

When I'm not too confident,
I form my weakest link.
I become my own breaking point.
By God, I will not lose hope.
It may seem far off, but I,
I won't stop,
I won't stop believing,
I won't stop trying.
even if I keep failing,
Even if I keep hurting.
I got so much running on this.

I am this.
I am who I am,
And as long as I am breathing,
I still have the chance to strike at it.
Maybe that will be my life for a long time,
But I won't give up.
I'll keep trying,
Even if it takes,
My last breath.

Letter to a long lost love...

Are you okay?
Now ask me that.
I am not.
If you are not with me,
I am not fine,
I am not myself.

Every passing day, I wake up and hope it's the day you'll show up again.

I hope today is that day.

So much has happened since you left.
I landed that job I always told you about,
What's more, a bigger offer is in the offing.
I am going places love,
But all that don't make much sense,
because you are not here to celebrate with me.

My sisters,
They ask about you all the time.
Is he any taller nowadays?
I have no answer to that,
because even I don't know.
Are you?
Are you taller?
Darker?
Slimmer?
Do you still tell those jokes that were not really funny,
what made me laugh so hard was how you said them.

My sister's getting married.
Thought you should know that.
I think I am supposed to bring someone
All these men parading to come with me,
They got nothing on you.

They don't love me like you did.
They don't laugh like you do.
They do not make coffee and sausages like you do.
Truth is, they can't,
Because they are not you.

I can't make them.
Unfair, I know.
But I got a stubborn heart you see.
It is in constant fights with my mind,
Asking me to give him a chance,
But he is not you.
And like I said,
My heart is quite stubborn.
I push it towards that direction too,
Because I don't want to leave.
I want to sit here and wait for you.
I said I would love you for a thousand years.
It's only been a few months, so I'll keep waiting.

When it's time for me to go, I will.
I just hope that you will be by my side.
I am not living right.
I am not who I am supposed to be.
When you are not by my side, all is utterly lost.

Because you,
You are not here.

It's all in you...

You don't have to smile to prove you are happy, or cry to show sadness. It's the most true feelings that are hidden. The most amaz
ing feelings are kept far within us, perhaps in a bid to hide it, keep it from going away. It is also deep inside, that we hide the deepest, darkest sadness. And sometimes, fake the most amazing smiles as well. It's all within you you see. It's your life, right? You decide when to smile, when not to, and when to hide all your joy. That you want to hide it should say something about you. Good? Bad? I know not, because it's all within you.

People, they will play a great role in your life. Some will help you see what's within, the beautiful things, some will bring out all the darkness, you want to avoid those :). When meeting new people, how do you place yourself? Forget first impression and focus on lasting impressions, true impressions, true reflections of who you are and the ability to sustain oneself in a group of equally strong or stronger personalities.

Your dreams, your skills, your ambitions, who you see when you look in the  mirror, is all within you. Never you cry in front of a mirror, because when all is lost, you need just one person to still believe you are strong enough to do it, a person with so much influence on you. You need oneself. What brilliance you will discover when you look, when you search deep inside. How deep you are, sometimes, you never know, until you look. Will you be hiding it then? How do you hide something you do not even know you possess. That's the most amazing bit of human nature, that you can always surprise yourself with all that is within you. Big, small, huge, tremendous, surprising!

It's a long path you know, trying to travel ones journey. You need inspiration, motivation and the wisdom to know the path you tread, the journey you are on. Having the knowledge that if you do look far beyond, you will see much you never noticed in the past. Every step in the long treak taken, each with a distinct meaning and deep influence of particular choices, all which is buried deep within you. You are who you are, experience moulding you to become someone you knew not before this day.

What if you could see your future? Would you alter it? Would you want to see all that you will be? Or would you rather stick with what is within you? Every day presenting a case, special enough to mark your living of that day? By doing so my friend, you become living proof that indeed there is brilliance, greatness, beauty and all that is breath taking, within you.

 

TREADMILL

It's bit by bit
Jay take it slow
That's what you say
But I am my mother's daughter
and she don't believe in slow

It's like I'm on a treadmill
Running 
and running
But not going nowhere




I'm running
I'm panting
Out of breath for you
I'm out of strength
Don't want to do this anymore

Take my hand
Let go of my heart
We've done this before
We can do it again
Days to come
Or not

I will walk
I will run
Faster not slower
And though we trying not to say it at all
We both know this isn't going anywhere

I will get off this treadmill
And look for a track
And I'm going to
Run
Run

Run away 
From you

Because even though we both running
We are on a treadmill
We are not
We will not
Go anywhere.

MY SHORT HANDSOME BOY FRIEND

You are special to me.
Just my opening statement should tell you that.
I will show it to you as much as I can.

You know...
You are among the very few men who do not annoy me.






Around you I don't have to pretend,
When with you I don't have to have my face done,
or wear refreshed lipstick,
Because all I say make sense to you,
or hide my eyes under huge sunglasses,
Because you see right through me.
 
You are perfect in your own perfect way,
And that's why I love you very much.

I may not say this to your face
And I won't!

But you's a good guy.

Even writing you a poem comes easy,
I don't need to say alot of 'thou' and 'thine'
And break all rules of language known to me.

You are just special!

Thou art my solid rock of emotions,
the one I stand on,
When all that is within me,
And all I am without,
Stares me hard in the face.
When all winds are cruel on thine skin,
Shattered,
Discouraged,
Scared,

I know I can have ice cream with you,
And be well again.

My short handsome boy friend!

LIFE'S ULTIMATE GOAL...

You can only be as happy as you let yourself be. Even when things are not working like you want them to. But who says you should always be happy? What is happiness really?

Knowing oneself, that, is happiness.

Happiness is for all.Whoever knows oneself finds happiness. Knowing oneself so well that even some level of sadness makes us happy is life's ultimate goal. By knowing oneself, you'll trust yourself so much, that even in the heart of atrocity,you'll be still, because deep down you know wellness is on the way. Wellness, that which makes us happy, is not easy to come by. It's not easy to see.

Seeing it is as good as having it. Believe. That's all you need to do. Tell yourself that you are destined to be happy, and you shall be so. Wealth, health, love, friends, family, they make me happy.

Perhaps they make you happy too. Isn't that what we are all after? But hey, there's a catch you know. 

Knowing when we actually have these things is the serenity of wisdom. Sometimes we get so engrossed in looking for these things that we fail to realise when they do come to us. Finding love, is a great thing. Anyone who does so should count themselves blessed. 

Blessings do not have name tags on them. The amazing bit of a blessing is that so many people can share it, and yet no single person will feel as though they were getting less. Many times we keep praying and working hard for amazing things to happen in our lives. We loose track of what is ultimately important. People. They make life worth living. You work with people, talk to people, dream about people, love them, share their experiences, fight with them, laugh with them. You do everything with people.

People, are life's ultimate goal.

YOU DONE USED YOUR LAST STRAW ALREADY

I may not be strong enough to carry my loads,
and that's why I may need you there sometimes.

Not to help carry my load,
but to tell me that I'm strong enough.

Sometimes,
My load is just too heavy with baggage,
You may not understand,
But please don't judge me,
Just tell me I can.


The load I carry may be too heavy for me,
So heavy, that it comes so close to the ground,
So close I think I'll drop it!

But then I don't.

You may not be the best to help carry my load,
Because truth is,
You got your own load too.
 
I'm sober now, 
Not drunk as I was when I thought,
You,
Would actually help me.

Well move over you son of a gun.
I'll carry my loads myself. 
You pick yours,
and you stay away from me.

I've been carrying my load for a long damn time,
and I'm surely going to go on with my noble act. 
What use is a man,
if he can't help forge me forward.

I can do this myself. 
You heard me, all by myself.
You stay away.
You done used your last straw already.

YOU LOST A GOOD THING.

For the first time

In a long time,

I did not think about you with tears in my eyes.

I thought about you with a broad smile.

That is progress right there.

That is growth.

I developed today you see,

I recorded a notable change in my life that well, still involved you.

I can.

I have moved away from you.

I wake up and feel stronger without you.

I don't need you to lift me up anymore.

I can do that all by myself.

It took me too long, I know,

but that's the best way to heal dear.

I took time.

I let myself be sad.

I shed tears for me,

because I gave you too much.

Well, it's alright by me.

Being with you was one of the most amazing bits of my life.

If I could,

I would kill you for how badly it ended,

but that would mean I stain my hands with your blood for the rest of my life.

I gave you too much already,

the rest of my life is something I want to keep to myself.

I hope you have a good life,

and one day come to your senses and do realise,

that when you lost me dear,

you lost a good thing.

TO YOU.... FOR YOU...

Forgive me
I should have done this ages ago

No excuse is justifiable

You have always loved me
Even when I least deserved it

I should have dedicated this whole blog to You alone



Every time I have poured my heart out here
You were not the one I had in mind

God, I'm sorry

I love you too,
You know that

When all will turn their back against me
I will run to You
I know You will save me
Ha! You have done it a million times already

That's just who You are
More reason why I believe in You, 
Not for what You can do,
And that's a lot,
But for who You are
Who You have been
And who You will continue to be
In my life
With me
For me
By me
 
Please receive my humble appreciation for being my first love
Having loved me from the very beginning, till this far.

YOU KILLED ME FIRST

Don't be in no rush
Soon it will all be over

Girl you been here before
You cried these tears before

Even when you hurting me,
You are a fountain I wanna drink from


Even when it hurts,
I still wanna stay

Stupid I know
But I love it

No, no, no, no
Don't get it twisted
I am here out of my own choice

Soon you may be saying hello to goodbye
Or I just might decide to kill you instead

Street murder
I don't care

Legitimate,
I care
That which you did not do
You
I won't spare

You made me a murderer

I'll carry out my revenge first
I'll make it slow, not fast

Call the police
Call who you callin'

They need to come get you

For you killed me first.

THE DAY THAT WAS...

As I walked on by
I looked back
And there you were

Beltless
And I thought you looked hilarious

You did actually,
Look hilarious.

That was the very first time I knew I would be laughing a lot around you.
It's been long being with you



I however hope the days get longer and time moves slower
So I could be with you longer.

Stop the hands of time,
I will.
All I need to do is share what you have taught me over the years
With the words that'll resonate from my heart

Rhythmic isn't it?
How I want to always be with you
See you
Laugh with you
Tell you that I love you with all my heart.

Yes, I did promise.
I promised then,
And even though it may be hard sometimes
I will keep the promise for days to come.

Remind me of it like you have before
Should I veer off and slip

Forgive me darling,
If I happen to love you too much
I can't help it you see

You've taken over me!

I wanted that,
Both then and now.

Oh what joy you bring me
Smiles I have seen rarely in this life

Happiness is not the constant joy I get when with you,
It is the fights,
Knowing I want to fight with you
Because we always work it out.

It is the tears,
Knowing you will always wipe them away,

Happiness with you
Is more than just laughter

Happiness with you is life itself

I am alive when with you.

JUST BECAUSE....

Just because I left
Does not mean I do not love you anymore

Just because I choose to love you from a distance
Does not mean I never cared at all

Just because I laugh when I'm with you
Does not mean I don't cry when I'm alone



Just because I say I need you all the time
Does not mean I don't want you to need me

Stay away
Let me be
Sad while away from you
Just because I don't want to hurt anymore

I can still see you when I close my eyes
Still smell you
See you around me all the time
when that did not even happen

You were not around me all the time
Just because I didn't talk like you wanted
Walked like you wanted
Laughed like you wanted
Just because I wasn't me like you wanted

Just because I'm not you
Does not mean I'm not real
Everything I am
What I say
What I do
That's who I am
Just because I want to be me

Love me back
Just because I am me

LAUGHTER IN MY HEART

No
They lied to you
My life is nothing like that
My life is not perfect

I cry
And I sulk
I blame people for my sadness
I have also contemplated killing them

I looked at one the other time and thought
No, they do not deserve to live



Because it was they
Who took away my life

How dare they walk untouched,
like nothing
nobody died

But I did

I wanted to shout it on the roof tops
Tell the whole world to crucify them
I shouted
And even though some felt it would be legitimate murder
I realised what damage I was doing to my own lungs

I had shouted so much I couldn't breathe easy

And I am falling
High from my mountain

They try to catch me,
Bu I am moving too fast
I am almost hitting the ground
I am in the air
With nothing to hold on to

I am in the air

Wait,but
I am in the air

I am free
The hand I once held so firmly
Is not holding me down anymore

I am free
I can breathe easy

Alas!
I can shout too,but this time
Through my music
Through the beautiful rhythm created by the laughter in my heart

NOT ANYMORE...

I wrote a song about you
And it all made sense then
You lift me
and when I'm so high
There you go
Dropping me like you never knew me before


It's not easy being me right about now
Right
What I thought was with you


At least I thought
You never did any of that.



You simply walk in, take charge
And walk out

Here me now darling
Not anymore.

You had your chance
You played with it
Blame a man for being slow and letting this angel go, right?

What I thought was with you
Wrong I was
Wrong

Lillies and roses
Beauty and happiness
Grace and joy
All what I offered
For I thought it would all be right
What was with you

For you can blame a man for being slow and letting this angel go, right?

What I thought was with you
Wrong I was
Wrong

Darling I will miss you
But you will miss me more
I loved you for a thousand years
But it's time for me to start counting again

With someone else.

LET IT RAIN

Pour it on me

Like the rain

All over me

Wash away my tears

Cleanse my body

Let it all go away

All that I have done

Wrong in their eyes

All seemed right with you

That's all right with me too

No, I don't need warmth,

If all you do is rain.

They kept promising the sun,

Half of it or none maybe

Is all they offered.

You have always been afraid

That that is all you may offer me,

But know this here and now my love,

You have given me all the warmth the sun could never possibly give me.

In this rain, I have known happiness with you,

In this rain

Not a day goes by without new yield,

without new laughter,

Laughter I have not known in years.

I loved you then.

I love you now.

And Oh I will continue to love you for days to come,

Years, if heavens let me.

I got nothing to say to them anymore.

They have showered me with more than just rain,

The day they sent you to cross my path,

To shield me from all the waves

Tides

Waters I could not prevail.

Let it rain blessings,

Let it rain Honor,

Let it rain,

More and more.

Let it rain you.