I love you,
At least I think I did.
But then you,
You had to leave.
And now....
Just like in the movies,
I am torn between two,
I care for him,
And maybe you too.
I know,
I can't serve two,
I've got to choose,
Just like in the movies,
I hope I choose right,
But I could be wrong,
I could be wrong.
Perhaps I'm just being selfish,
More like stupid.
If it's there,
I should see it.
It shouldn't be,
It shouldn't be so hard.
From the very beginning,
You've been the truth,
My source of measure.
My point of reference.
Everyone had the uphill task to have to outdo you,
And now,
I have to choose,
Just like in the movies, yeah
My heart won't stop.
Even in his arms,
I still feel you,
Hear your heart beat.
What trumps the other?
Is it you?
Or not...?
Forget the movie.
This is not it.
It is in the way you let go of the hard stuff,
Sometimes it is all you can do.
Life does get okay sometimes,
It is not about how hard you got hit,
It's how hard you missed the chance to get hit.
Revenge is an option,
But working hard and getting ahead is a better option.
Facing one's fears may seem a high, rough road to take,
But it makes it easier,
The next moment, it won't be a hard thing to do it again.
It takes a brave girl to walk the path.
Let your light shine,
It is what you were born to do.
Have courage,
It makes a better you.
Aim to be great,
Always push yourself,
Harder than you did yesterday.
It's not the simple battles that make great kings.
It takes the tough, ugly, hard, bloody battles.
Get your fort,
Get your source of strength.
Find out who you are,
What is your purpose?
Do not live someone else's life.
Cry if you have to,
Feel like the earth should sink you,
That is all the strength you will gather to soar high up.
Going up the tallest mountain,
Breathing the fine air.
Sometimes, letting go may seem hard,
But there are so many things to live for,
Do not be confined to one, two or three excitements.
It is not about the bad day you had yesterday,
It's gone,
It's in the past,
You cannot change it.
You can learn from it though.
Bravery is not for the faint-hearted,
It is, bravery.
Let the sound of your voice,
Your abilities,
Be heard far and wide,
Selfishness,
Is a virtue,
Nobody will make you better other than yourself.
Do not be perfect,
All you should do is be brave,
Then you can let go of the hard stuff.
If it did not matter to you,
Why did you put up such a huge fight?
If the moments were not as precious,
Why did you make them so?
I do not understand it.
Please help me,
Make me see through your eyes,
Do you feel this sadness?
Take my heart, take it.
You brought this here,
I asked for none of this.
Why did you put up a fight,
Only to leave me halfway through it.
Do you not have a heart?
Take mine.
Feel the fear it sees now.
Watch it bleed to the ground.
Touch it.
Lay your hand on it, to know the depth of your action.
Why did you put up such a huge fight?
If all you ever wanted was to leave.
Help me, I'm falling in love with you,
The way you stare at me,
The way you say my name,
Letting it roll off your tongue,
You say my name and it's the most beautiful sound to my ears.
It's the way you place your hand around me as we wait,
Unplanned,
But I wished it stayed there,
For future plans.
It's the scent of your skin,
The feel of your touch,
The sound of your voice, telling me to walk beside you,
The deep stare when you look at me,
It's the person you are,
Towering over me,
Looking up never felt so fulfilling.
My arms around your neck,
My fingers taking the shape of your perfect frame,
Dark,
Smooth, fine and refined.
My feet fidget at the thought of you,
Rubbing each other for comfort only they understand,
Only they need.
Like my heart,
Longing to rub against you,
In a journey I've longed to take with you,
For many a long day,
Breathe my breath,
Take in my air,
Let me suffocate on your love,
While you drown me in it,
Paint me a picture of your being,
Will I be in it?
Evoke in me,
The strand so thin,
Yet long and strong, of life in love with you.
I'd gone to the beach that day,
All I could think of was to drown my sorrows in the unending ocean horizon.
It had been a while.
Being alone was not new.
It had become the new ordinary.
I'd had enough trials,
Thought I could take a break from life,
From sight,
From walking,
even crawling proved too hard.
All I needed was a pause button,
And something,
Someone to remind me that I'm alive,
Because lately, it felt like I was not alive,
Not dead,
on a pause button.
The sand beneath my feet,
The water,
Undecided on how deep it should have me in,
Leaving as soon as it arrived.
Just when I thought it was time for some cold relaxation,
Heat hit me harder than I expected.
And left me,
Cold,
All too familiar a feeling.
I decided to stop.
Stop looking,
Stop searching,
I'd picked up enough trials to last a lifetime,
I had spread myself too thin.
I did get them all,
But who am I kidding,
The scars they left were more than I wished to admit,
Deeper than I wished to look,
My own abyss,
So scary I couldn't pull myself out.
I need a pause button.
I didn't see him pass by,
The smell of art pulled me close,
I looked and saw myself,
The younger version,
Stronger,
More beautiful.
I had been here before,
I'd seen the rising sun, with its immense beauty, and waited patiently, anxiously, sadly, for noon.
It came,
And scorched harder, hotter than my skin could withstand.
I knew evening would come, when the rays would be hot, but not burning,
I admired the setting sun,
Its golden hue on his face,
A face I longed to touch all the time.
His frame, a perfect sky to have a sun,
My palms constantly itched to have him in them.
My heart knew too well the sun would set,
But my flesh,
My flesh cried for more,
Wailed,
To have time stand still,
Let the sun not set on the need to have man stay a while longer.
It set.
The cold kicked in.
The darkness of the night,
No moon merciful enough to shine down on me,
Stars, full of hatred for who I had become.
Yet, he stood by.
We didn't say much.
I couldn't look him in the eye,
But my heart knew how his brown eyes curved when he smiled,
How his lips twitched when he was being shy,
How his fingers clutched at a pebble, right before he threw it in the sea.
Common,
Was the word you'd use to define us.
Boy meets girl,
That's how simply he gauged us.
But not me.
I saw more than just a boy.
I saw more than curved eyes and twitched lips,
I saw fingers that would run down my back,
And play me like a musical instrument yet unknown.
I saw the sun rise,
When all expected sun set.
I saw golden hues,
When I should have seen dark clouds.
He'd passed me by,
I stood by the beach,
Sand beneath my feet.
My eyes curved at the sight of the unending ocean horizon,
My lips twitched at the thought of a cold heart,
My fingers picked a pebble,
And threw it far as I could,
Perhaps,
I hit my pause button.
It's the breath you cannot claim,
The time you cannot have back.
It's the laughter, the memories,
So deep you cannot come to terms with the reality.
Walking around, everybody seems alright,
But they shouldn't be.
Who gave them the right?
While you lay there, cold like a log,
While we wet your body with our tears,
They should have known,
that life has robbed us of all we knew was right,
What do we do in the night?
If not take walks with you?
Day,
If not talk to you,
Stare at you,
Live life with you,
Living.
We shouldn't do that.
No screams, no tears,
No amount of living could bring back that which you gave us.
How do we take the first step?
How to look back and use that,
To tread forward?
We know not how to live life anymore.
With your death came mine.
All powers are against me.
We were against the world,
The strongest pair you ever saw.
In my darkness, you saw light.
In my smile, you saw the deep sadness.
And even though I was ugly inside,
You told me I was the most beautiful you ever saw.
My nakedness,
Perfection in your eyes.
I did not have to hide.
My tears you washed away,
Yet now, you are nowhere to be found.
I cry at the thought of not seeing you,
Not touching you,
Not breathing the air you breathe.
Someone free me from these shackles of sadness.
I cannot take a step,
Be who I am without you here.
I should leave you be.
For although you left,
I live,
With nothing but the ghost of you.
