Monday 27 November 2017

IRREVERSIBLE: START OF SOMETHING NEW

He called his brother to pick him up. Daniel and Tess hadn't been talking much lately, and the only thing worse than the awkward silence would obviously be more awkward silence. Tess had had to look for an excuse to get him to leave the house.

Tiff. She was always the perfect escape plan. She said Tiff would be coming back and she wasn't quite ready to have him meet her. Sure, they'd spoken on the phone. She was more concerned with Tiff knowing him simply as 'Mommy's friend'.

There was a knock on the door and Tess opened up. The eyes. They looked like his. Perhaps the long stare meant something else. Whatever it was, she sure did feel it. Jackson was his name. He seemed timid at first, but a short conversation later, he started to loosen up, so did Tess.

Another day at the office, nothing special. It seemed like a perfect time to have a drink- it is always a perfect time to have a drink. Perhaps she should walk over to the bar and have the damn drink. She can be her own company, ain't nothing wrong with that. Tess was about to head for the door when her phone rang. She didn't recognise the number, so she opted to ignore it. A text message came in.

"Sorry, I probably should have identified myself first. It's Jackson. Dan's brother."
She thought that text was too long.
Again, off to have a drink by herself.

She read that text from Jackson over and over again. Why would he be texting her? What did he want?

Tess thought there wouldn't be anything wrong in texting him back. She thought wrong.
"Hello. Sorry, I hardly pick calls from numbers I do not recognise."
"That's understandable. It's my fault. I should have identified myself first."
"Yes. You should have".. but she quickly deleted this text message before sending it. She didn't want to come across as too condescending.

While she chatted with Jackson she knew deep down she could be starting something she may not want, or something she may not be able to complete. This was not what she wanted. Daniel. That's what she wanted. But did he want her? She wasn't too sure, and that right there, was the answer itself.

"I'm sorry, are you busy? Perhaps I could catch you when you aren't quite busy?" came the text from Jackson.
"Not quite the patient man, are you?" ... she deleted this text as well.
She took the last sip of her gin and got on her way.

 




Friday 24 November 2017

IRREVERSIBLE: KNOCK KNOCK, WHO'S THERE?




It had been a long day, nothing a long soak wouldn't cure. Baby Tiff was at her aunt's, so Tess had the evening to herself. Slow music, the sound of rain calming her tumultuous mind. This was a phase she couldn't wait to get over and done with.

Making some of these decisions seemed to be the best at the moment. She could have laid down her life to defend them - swear by Tiff's life, that they were the best. Until everything started falling apart.

It took the intervention of a few close friends to realise she only had one life to live, and making apologies for it was taking up precious time that only ought to have been spent on either Tiff or herself. Tess's reverie was disrupted by a knock on the door.

She checked the clock on her bathroom wall. Half past midnight. Knock on the door again, this time with less patience. Fear is gripping her.

"Who could that be?" she thought to herself.

Knock on the door again. This time, more like a bang.

She hastily wrapped her robe around her dripping body. She waded through the living room, trying to walk on the carpeted areas to avoid slipping on the tiles as her feet were still wet.

She peeped through the hole and almost lost her mind.

"Was that Daniel at the door?"

It was, with blood all over his shirt.

She let him in, nobody saying a word.

Tess was torn between helping him to the couch and making sure her towel does not drop.

She didn't understand why that second bit was a problem, seeing as Daniel had definitely seen more than that. More than once.

He winced as she cleaned his wounds.

"The other guy ... is he still alive?"

He smiled and still said no word.

He looked tired and angry. For the first time in a long time she was afraid. She had never known him to be the angry type.

"Did they deserve it?"

Silence.

She cleaned his wound and let him sleep in her bed.

Tiff's bed would come in handy tonight. No cookies would be served on a plate that wreaked the smell of blood. 

No goodnights were whispered. Everyone drifted away alone in bed, each perhaps hoping the situation was different.

Tess loved pancake Saturdays. While she whipped the dough, she was dying to know what happened the previous night.Her thoughts were interrupted by the towering height that was blocking her light.

Still, no word.

That was it. She had had enough. He showed up like she was a nun in a convent offering to take in strays and she deserved way better than his godforsaken silence.

"You have 10 minutes to tell me what happened."

"Tess..."

"Nine"

"You don't wanna hear it."

"Try me."

"Yes"

"Yes, what?"

"They deserved it."














Thursday 23 November 2017

IRREVERSIBLE: DARK KNIGHT

As she approached the gate, she knew that text message from last night couldn't have been the best idea, but she had to stand by it. Whether it was her pride talking or the willingness to stand by her decision was something even she couldn't explain.

The walk to the driveway and into her car was too long. She had formed a habit of playing music relevant to her feelings, and this morning, Sia's Helium was all too perfect. It's true what they say, that when one is sad, they listen to the lyrics.

Daniel had shown up in her life at a time when she seemed to be at a crossroads. A knight in shining armour he seemed - the only problem, he belonged to someone else.

Tess hated traffic, but on this day the delay was a good distraction from the turmoil that seemed to be her life lately.
Gin - she needed a gulp of it. Sips are for the weak, she told herself many times. She could count the number of times she had gin before lunch. This would be one of the two. Secretly she hoped it would be the last.

Tess had been going about her duties when the extension on her desk rang.
'Reception'.
Why would Jane be calling so early. She just had a gin break after a long trip on the scenic route to avoid traffic, she needed to focus on her work. The apex court was issuing a ruling on the political stalemate in the country. It would be a hard day to be a news editor.
"Yes Jane."
"You have a visitor."
"I do?"
"Yes, says his name is Daniel."

She knew she should have worn the skinny jeans, brought out her behind. Made it look like an apple - the firm and juicy kind. The longer she waited the harder and more awkward it would become. Tess walked fast to the lobby, not knowing what she should say to him.

He was a smart man. He spoke first.
"Good morning nyadundo."
It was a name that initially made reference to Tess's height. She towered at 5'4", while he was a resounding 6'3". How she even noticed his well-chiseled face and brown eyes beat her. The difference in height was too hard to miss.

"I wasn't expecting you."
"I hope I made no mistake in coming here"
"No no.. of course not"

She led him to her office. Jane seemed to be banging on her keyboard louder than usual, an indication that the display was making her a little uncomfortable.

Tess had realised she was falling for a man who falls in another woman's arms every night. While she slept alone, he was feeling up the warmth of someone else's thighs. She thought she could do better. It was at this realisation that she sent Daniel a long text, explaining why they couldn't see each other anymore. Tess had imagined, at the back of her obviously wild mind, that perhaps Daniel would ask her not to call it off. He did not.

"You seem surprised to see me," Daniel said as he sipped his coffee.
"No no... it is always a pleasure"
"Somehow I had to come see you"

She had no comeback for that last statement. Tess hated just how much control he had over her peace of mind. The previous night after she called off the affair, she was too hurt to cry. The pain made her so numb, all she could do was stare at the bedroom ceiling, wondering why sad nights are painfully long. Hearing Jane say the word 'Daniel' on the receiver before she walked out to meet him gave her a ray of sunshine so bright. She didn't know she had been so dark in the just-concluded moment.

"I was serious last night. Every word I said. I meant it"
"I understand. I'm here as an ordinary citizen."

They both laughed at that last statement.

   

Friday 17 November 2017

Too Much 'Babe', and None Of 'My Name'

Not once did I think I'd be this girl,
The thought of you with someone else,
When all of that ought to have been mine

Your love used to lift me up,
From the lowest pit I used to be in
Down, down, down
From where I have been for as long as I can remember.

I choose not to look back,
But I long for days when it all meant something,
But not anymore.

Why did I hold on so long?

You used to love me,
You used to want to hold me.
You used to... but not any more.

It's time to walk away,
I will play it tough,
Love me the best I know how.

The very ground I stand on is not my own,
But the breath in my lungs belongs to me,
My life is my own.
The sun may be out,
But the clouds hanging atop my head,
A constant reminder that I can play tough and play by myself,

But this superwoman needs more than a cape,
A soul to rescue me is all I need.
You used to want me,
But right now, 
all I hear is too much babe, and none of my name


Monday 16 October 2017

SOLITUDE...



Solitude,
My newly found high.
My being and person
The only companions I wish to have near.

Crazy enough to be crazy alone
Nothing but the sound of my own voice
The only lifeline that seems to fit lately
Me
Myself
The only self that understands a heart that has seen all pieces drop on the floor faster than you can say 'hold on to life'.
All the people and the pieces we used to know
Too far gone to be salvaged by a heart that just won't take a step
Not forward
Not backward
Standing in the middle of it all.
Every breath seems like a lifetime of solitude
It may feel alone
But it's the company of many we have longed for, for many a day.
Though cold,
It fits like a warm glove.


Tuesday 20 June 2017

I STOOD WITH YOU...

I used to stand by the window with you,

The rain drops were a quiet, subtle reminder of the storms we have been through

I knew I should do something,

What it was, wasn't however as clear as the drops that fell on the rocks

 

 

 

The smell of water sipping through the earth,

In a failed attempt to mask the smell of blood,

From the slaughtering of kindness and grace, we had just finished.

Slice after slice,

Hack after hack,

We knew we should have done something,

What it was, wasn't however as clear as the drops that fell on the rocks

 

Crying in the rain,

A common getaway for hearts as lost as ours,

But how do you mix dust and water?

The dirt, a mirror of what we have become,

We knew we should have done something,

What it was, was perhaps as clear as the drops that fell on the rocks.

We knew it because we slaughtered the kindness and grace,

Right at the window,

Where I stood with you


Friday 24 February 2017

Set me free

You said you’d stay,
Deep down I knew you would hurt me.
I’d hoped and prayed you’d have mercy on me
My weak soul and mind,
My wit to stay on my lane and not veer off to that which is not mine,
I knew from the very start you wouldn’t stay,
But you got a hold of me,
Your claws so deep in my flesh,
But the sweetness that is the pain you cause me,
Kept me asking for me,
Even though I knew you were not good for me,
I still craved the taste of your heart,
The blood sipping through my fingers,
Cold from your vein,
I didn’t know you had any.
Even though I knew it would hurt,
One bite was not enough.
Bite,
After bite,
After bite,
Beat,
After beat,
After beat,
I was heading to my grave.
You consumed me,
And I saw it all coming,
I opened the door for you,
Let you in,
Welcomed you with open arms,
Same arms I used to embrace me,
No mercy on me,

Your arms,
Embraced me,
But stabbed me as well,
Who is to blame?
You,
Or I?
Set me free,
Will you not?
Perhaps some good would do me good,
Some kindness would heal me,
Or not,
Because you know not what that means,
Leaving a trail of blood in your path,
And like a hungry hound,
I follow every step of your stinking scent,
You have me on a tight leash,
One I hate to have,
But hold it myself.
Have mercy on my bleeding heart,
Set me free.  

Thursday 2 February 2017

WAVE AFTER WAVE...

I look back,

And even though I know I shouldn't,

It's the only direction I feel safe enough to take on,

Ways I have walked before,

Lengths I have pulled in the past,

My only sanctuary,

In a world so uncertain.

Running so fast,


But the only direction I seem to be getting on,

Is backward.

Slow run,

Or fast step.

No one avenue seems to be the best.

And I cry and moan,

And hope to the heavens for mercy as deserved as my own death,

For only the warmth of my grave can comfort a drowning soul.

Tired,

Exhausted,

Not knowing right from wrong,

Or back from forth,

Back and forth I keep going,

Praying and hoping that this would be the last breath.

Help me,

Hold my hand, why won't you?

The waves of a life so uncertain threaten to carry me to the depth of the sea,

But see I am not afraid.

Should I be? I am not

I have been here before,

And wave after wave drifted me away from the truth I have known for so many a day.

Though I look back,

I know I shouldn't.

But behind me,

Is the only sure path that has led me to the unknown I see today.