WHEN IT IS DARK...

When it is dark,
And I cannot find you,
I lay near,
And have thoughts of you guide me,
Into memories I have learnt to keep dear.

Because they make me,
They define me,
and who I am,
Is all I have,
when you are not near.



At the war front,
Let these very memories be your armour.

So should you be filled with fear,
All you ever need to do is search inside.

Don't look back,
A what could have been,
And wasn't.
What should've been.

Because I'm here.

Not a single memory will blow,
In the winds that touch my face,
But not as soft as yours.

You should be here.

Where I can lend an ear,
To more than a phone to my ear.

Past are the weeks,
Months and years,
Of things you've not seen but only hear,
No regrets,
Nor tears,
just far-cast fears,
Of how many more I have to wait,
Months and years.

I WALKED BY THE BEACH

I walked by the beach,
Though he was so far,
I could make love to him.

His gaze,
His skin,
Glowing in the dark,
So bright I could feel it so close.

However far he was from me,
I could smell his scent.
That's how I knew he is mine.


He had none of me on him,
His being too refined to be part of mine.
My Mozart, I called him.

Every step,
Every breath,
Taken on thoughts of him.

Prosperity never felt too good,
Love never looked so sweet,
Tears never as warm as the sand on my feet,
My hand in his.

He looked at me,
Past me,
With his sight cast on the goal,
That has none of me on it.

White veil,
Black lace,
Red heart,
All sewn to make,
None but me.

I have a plan.

Get him on the chariot,
Ride with him to places only I know.
Shouts, screams and cries,
Whispers, laughter and ties.

Swords, shields and arrows,
Shawls, feather and straw,
The push and the pull,
While I make love to him.

I walked on the beach,
His hand intertwined with his wife's,
His gaze on his children,

My breath,
Nothing but my own. 

HOLD ME TOGETHER...

Hold me together,
when all seems like the emptiness in the wind,

Hold me together,
when all I am is at my tether's end,
And all I can do is watch from a distance as it all falls apart,

Hold me together,
That's all I ask in this stormy weather,


When all my being threatens to scatter,
and all I am is on the loose,

Hold me together,
for I have been here before,
And I cannot do it again,

Hold me together is all I can say,
Before I break into pieces,
So many I can't find the rest of me,

Hold me together is all I can say,
Bind me to myself,
Make me who I am,
Stick me to my beliefs,
Preach to me my gospel,
Tell me my name,
Say it out loud,

Hold me together so I do not come running,
Walking or crawling,

Hold me,
So hard I'll forget what you are,
What path you take,

Hold me together so I can be me again,

I lost myself once,
I shouldn't do it again,
I won't,

Hold me together,
That's what gift I give me today.

MARILYN MONROE...

Love without tragedy,

Of rivers flowing,

With no falls,

Yet such behold more  beauty,

Than what you once thought my face was,

The sadness that engulfs my heart,


Bigger,

Deeper,

Than the oceans,

And the seas,

Am I too deluded,

To wish for,

Hope for,

Pray for,

Believe in,

Soft petals,

And banded tuxedos,

White veils,

And lacy dresses,

Long to my feet,

Hiding all the sins,

We committed together,

The best years of my years,

Should be,

Would be,

Were meant to be,

Spent being your Marilyn Monroe.

In this day and age,

who bears a mole,

Black in all its darkness,

Brought me more brightness,

Than the long lacy dress,

Could ever bring me.

It tames all,

In the wildness that surrounds me,

But leaves you out.

Love does not die twice.

Nothing compares,

To all I have done already,

Hide myself,

Hide my heart,

Dance to tunes only I know,

Only I can hear,

Amidst whispers,

In my arms you sway,

In my fingers you slip away,

Though I am no more,

I'm your Marilyn Monroe.

 

IT'S YOU ALRIGHT...

I don't know what I'm doing.
It's you alright.
The silence that surrounds me when I think of you,
It should be enough to tell me I should stop.
But you,
You are the taste of beautiful sin.
I have to keep you a secret though.
I don't know what I'm doing.
It's you alright.

The feelings you evoke,
Were long buried,
So deep I forgot they existed.
However,
You took me in and unburied me,

Washed off the dirt that I thought was too much a stain,
For clean hands as yours.
I don't know what I'm doing,
It's you alright.

What makes you so attractive,
Is how forbidden you are.
The intensity you bring to the plate,
Makes you more than just food,
To sustain my ever swelling appetite.
We should draw boundaries you know,
Of what rivers to cross,
What lands to till,
What crop to harvest.
I don't know what I'm doing,
It's you alright.

Am I allowed?
Should I pull back?
Are you as lost as I am?
Yes?
Well, see, that more than proves me right,
That we are indeed wrong to be here.
The fear in us is too much,
I don't know what I'm doing,
It's you alright.

I will keep at it,
If you promise to own this woman,
Let me be what you are,
And you what I am.
Please me,
Forgive my greed,
Embrace my being,
Allow me to let you in,
I hope you stay until I am no more.
Until I come as low as I was,
Before you saved me.
I do know what I'm doing.
It's you alright.
 

MY MUSIC...

Music,

The speaker to my soul,
 

Of my soul.

That talks when I have voice none.

The listener when I need to cry,

And the fuel of my joy.

Only he can understand what I’m trying not to say.

To sing it maybe.

All the keys,

The pitch,

Not too high,

Not too low.
 

Every beat,

In line with my heart

Beat,

In a bit,

You may see it,

With your ears

Open to what they say better

In voices in straighter lines,

Than the homophobe

Getting into roles I wouldn’t have the chance to know

In a world full of nothing but 

Rhythm and rhyme

Forgetfulness,

Of sadness overstaying in thine heart

Or happiness too short-lived

To win over the feeling far away

From my mate

Whose heart knows no beat 

But the song I play

The rest might come too soon,

Disrupt all tunes known to me,

Perhaps to him too

As I lay my heart out

Open to any music you play for me

With me

In harmony,

I will skip over to your side,

Play the keys,

Of the piano

That only you and I know

Bestowed peace,

My body will know,

As I swing to the movement of my heart

To the beat of your drum

All strings,

Carefully placed in your hands

Like you are on my mind

Hold me

Like the cello

Loosely,

Yet firm enough to play tunes

That bring forth sweetness I have not known before

The deepest of them all,

The sound of your voice,

My hip will swing,

My feet I will tap,

At the call of your flute,

The struck of your violin,

My shakers not too far,

I am bound to enjoy this song.

Play with me.

Sing with me.

PATIENT AM I NOT?....

I will sit here,
Holding my breath,
Because that is all I have masterd
With love as absent as yours.

Not a moment passes by 
That I don't pray for your soul,
That it would cease to be so dark,
So dark.
So dark yet it attracted me?
Your emotional absence overwhelms me
In ways, even I, don't understand.

Treading through the life you have subjected me to,
To a destination I have not known.

With every step, 
You thrash my heart,
And subject me to hate I am yet to understand.
I am yet to understand
I am yet to understand that which you give me without knowing?

Life passes me by,
And with every breath I ask my soul to hold on.

Patient, am I not?
Foolish as well, it's true.

If foolishness will lead me to a warmer heart that is you,
Then being clever is a choice I'd rather throw to the dogs.

I still believe.
That with a soul as dark as yours,
Man as heartless as you,
Is capable of loving just fine.

Patient, am I not?
Foolish as well, it's true.

It's true, that you, my love,
Can share in my foolishness,
And lighten your heart,
With the bright that is in mine.