THE POET...

A  poet rescued me today,

It was not his charm, or generosity,

Rather, it was his wit, and mystery.

How he looked past me but caught my eye,

With his bare hand,

Touched the very bit I thought was far gone.

Thoughts lingered long after his gaze was no more.

I stand here,

Wishing, crying that with a single breath, he will remember the touch.

I brush my arm beside his, and the scent catches me,

Warming my heart, making my eyes wet with tears,

For I know my right is on my right.

But I was never one to follow the rules,

So I decide to run the yard,

After my rescuer, the poet with words that cut like a sword,

I will run after.

Happiness comes to those who want it,

And mine is no different a story.

Curse me if you may, but run I will.

Come with me, dear.

I know not where to lead you,

But I shall hold your hand.

His scent will be our guide,

His smile the never-ending light at the end of a bright day.

The grasp will never be loose,

For thoughts of his warm embrace will linger through many a day,

Every step farther brings us closer to the poet,

For the cause that stands before us is bigger than you or I.

Run with me dear,

To the happiness that is the poet.

Sometimes the right on your right, is wrong.

WILDEST DREAM...

I want to close my eyes,
So I can see more of you,
Because you become the most beautiful sight in my mind,
And I want it to remain that way.
 I hope one day you look back and say you miss me,
Say I was good enough,
Say if you could,
You would do it again,
Do me again.

I want to close my eyes,
And open my mouth,
Spread my lips, 
And tell you,
You are the best,
That I never had.

I want to close my eyes,
And dance,
Feel just you alone,
Although we are  in the biggest crowd.
You, my love, are the best memory I have yet.
These red lips, have no better taste than you.

I want to close my eyes because it is the only way I see you again.
You won't look back,
Even though I am rooted here, hoping you would.

Do you remember me?

I remember you,
And the day you told me I am your wildest dream,
Wish I came true. 

I have done a bad thing many a time,
But I wouldn't be me If I didn't have you as the best of them all.
Though wild, you, indeed, are a dream.

I want to close my eyes,
And as you stand right in front of me,
Have my fingers on your face,
The one I read so wrong,
Perhaps my touch will bring out the truth.

I want to close my eyes,
And remain so for as long as you are there with me,
Until the wildest dream comes true.

I AM YOU...

Your hurt, is my hurt.

Your tears, are my tears.

Your pain, rips me apart,

And I know, because I am you.

Your joy, is my joy,

Your smile, Keeps me alive.

Your heart, Beats with mine,

And I know, because I am you.

And when you breathe deep breaths,

And call my name,

And hold me close,

Near to my being,

I come to life,

I am the best I have been yet.

My cup of tea,

My calm in the storm,

My life,

My shoulder to survive.

Your fine, is my fine.

And I know, because I am you.

GRAVE DIGGER...

You know,

My heart still calls your name.

 

And every time it's lock down,

I have no choice but to remember you.

It's in everything I do,

Even though I want to forget you,

You are my poison,

And your name makes death sound sweeter than raw honey.

The winds in my eyes are no bit of truth,

My glass eyes right there for you to see,

Tears I tell myself are non-existent.

Though that is not possible,

You are far away from me.

I fell in love with another, and so your chapter was one I was ready to close.

My mind wanders, and I wonder if I was wrong.

I took the bait, the poisonous one.

And now I cry bitter tears, for falling for the wrong,

Person?

I am full of lies.

I strike one and nurse the other.

The bitter truth, not one I like to mention.

Like the grave digger, I make profit from another’s loss.

Perhaps I am digging my own grave,

And soon, like my bed, I will but have to lie in it.

Will you be there with me?

I may have killed you already 

BEFORE, NOW, AFTER...

Before,

We were but strangers in the dark,

 

Long days cast a heavy weight on us,

Shadows on the ground our constant friend.

The floor was too familiar,

Head always hanging,

No strength to come up for air.

Suffocating in a crowd, when all we needed was one reassuring voice.

Now,

We say words sweeter than honey,

Music so sweet we could dance on one foot.

You are the constant hand I look for when in need,

Of everything big and small.

My fingers cannot solely count all you have become,

Done,

For me, with me, and beside me.

After,

We will know not life without the other half.

Every time the song comes up,

You will pick me up and we shall dance.

For this, 

Is the true future.  

ON MY FEET...

I've been fighting wars I didn't even know existed,
And every time I thought it was over,
I heard the sound of it again.
In vain I tried to stop,
But I couldn't,
I just couldn't.

When the noises stopped,
I thought the silence would bring peace.
Pieces of me were strewn across my face,

Everyone who looked at me saw but the broad smile.

I've been fighting wars I thought I could win alone.
I thought I am the strongest daughter my mother brought forth,
Sometimes the strength I ride on is borrowed.
I don't like to dwell on debts.
My peace I hold dear,
Even when it is the only thing keeping me from stopping the wars.

I've been fighting long and hard,
My knuckles have bled,
My fingers are no more.
The little strength I have left is only meant to keep me on my feet.

I am tired.

Somebody sound the alarm,
Call the police, call the doctors,
The paramedics should rush to this scene,
The scenes they will find are not far from a gory accident.

The blood in here should show you the struggles I have endured,
I'm short of breath,
And my body is covered in bruises.

I am not lying down.
I am on my feet.

Though I do not know I am at war,
I am on the winning side.
Though surrounded with pools of blood,
I am on my feet.

 

CLOSER THAN MY EAR...

I stepped my foot into the water,
And let it all out.
I left it all behind.
Step after another,
Before I know it, 
I'll be in, 
Perhaps safer from the past I have known.
So deep the whole of me will be submerged. 
A truth I have longed for,
Longer than a single breath can take,
To last longer than a breath.

The ebbs and whirls, a truth I have established. 
I want to do it all with you. 
Surviving in the deep  may be hard,
Deep enough to want a partner,
Though none forthcoming,
Or am I unlucky?
The single woman's dream,
To have a guiding hand in the water,
On a waist as lean as mine,
Hands softer than yours, I am yet to see,
Feel.
But I am willing to share your breath.
For mine will soon run out.
You have taken the whole of me.
Be part of me,
Deep as I am in the water. 
Scared I may have been at the beginning, of whence to come up for breath.
Each instant so fast, 
I'm not sure I caught enough.
Did I breath in deep enough?
When will it run out?
The swim, I look forward to,
The guiding touch that is your hand,
One to hold one's breath over.
The palm of your hand on my lean waist,
And your reassuring voice,
Closer than my ear.

And I start to run out of breath,
My mistakes flash before me.
My kicks don't seem hard enough,
My scream not loud enough.
I'm going under.
My hands reach out for you, are you there?
I begin my end, with the acceptance that I am who I am, 
Alone in the waters,
Trying to make the best of what's left of me,
But I reach out,
The water, it slips through my fingers.
I want to make what's left bigger than the single first step.

And then you carry me,
Your hands on my lean waist, 
Nothing softer than your guiding hand,
The sound of your voice,
Closer than my ear.
 

BORROWED HAPPINESS...

When it's all said and done,
When I can't let you leave,
When I know how deep this is,
Where it comes from,
All but borrowed happiness.

When I know I can't breathe when you are not with me,
When I see your face in all I see.
When your name is the most beautiful part of my life,
The most beautiful sound I have had to hear,
All but borrowed happiness.



When I am more than willing to step down,
Be who I wasn't before,
More than willing to let you win,
And every time it kills me,
A slow death I am not struggling to keep away,
For borrowed happiness.

The pain in my hands and feet,
One I pray will not reach my heart like a bacteria,
Eat up my flesh until I am no more.
Feel the power leave me and sit on you,
Your throne, one I am willing to bow before,
For the sake of borrowed happiness.

My breasts heave in longing for your embrace,
My fingers,
They shake to have you within reach.
My eyes are dry from the rivers and rivers of tears.
Still, I choose to stay,
Let you lay with me and not feel the warmth,
In search of borrowed happiness.

My rescue, the ability to forget,
When I am no longer who I used to be,
All my fabric lost in search of a heart so cold I can't breathe anymore,
For borrowed happiness.

The time I long for,

When it is all said and done,
When I can let you leave,
When I do not know how deep this is,
Where it came from,
For my happiness.

When I know I can breathe when you are not with me,
When I do not see your face in all I see.
When your name is not the most beautiful part of my life,
The most beautiful sound I never had to hear,
For my happiness.

IT ENDS...I PROMISE

I promise, 

That one day you will look back and it will not be the same.

The fear of what might be, what never was.

The ability to look beyond is not easy to master, but I promise,

It ends.

Once I walked that path,

And like a child,

I thought it was the best I never walked before.

Foolish I thought I had been,

For taking too long.

Now I stand at the finish line,

Looking back over my shoulder,

It seems the most intriguing journey I took.

I am not the same girl that stood at the beginning.

Old now,

Wiser too.

A woman I am proud to be.

The horror I have had to wash off with my bare hands,

The dirt I saw drip from my skin,

Every grain a worthy effort.

With every scrub,

I became the glow you see today.

I have travelled a path long enough,

And because I am human I promise I will walk that life again,

Read that page again.

The understanding and peace that comes with it,

All prices I am but willing to pay for.

My prize sits at the very end.

It ends, I promise.

And then it starts again,

And you choose to walk it,

Letting go makes the trip fair,

A clean slate, no judgements on previous opinions.

That, is the beauty therein,

That though it ends, you have the choice to do it again.

You always do.

BREATH OF MY BREATH...

Will you ever love me again?

Let me be the one you need, the one you can't be away from?

Will you ever bend down on your knees, to stand tall enough to carry my loads with me.

Will you hold me again, like you did the first time?

When every touch on my skin felt like a thousand fingers on my skin.

Will you sing my favourite song to put me to sleep, on days when the storm felt like a casket and I was the cold body inside?

Will you ever carry me, in your hands?

Though feeble, they have brought me rocks steadier than faith.

My strength, a look at your face,

My joy, the warmth of your touch.

My growth, the stride in your walk.

Will you love me like you did before?

Though it cut me like a knife, the warm blood was a valid shed.

The snow, it numbs my limbs, but the thoughts of you thaw the coldness in my heart.

I know nothing beyond this.

The craziness that is life with you makes my house an asylum I want to own,

Defend with my life,

Build with my bare hands.

Will you ever kiss me again?

Your tongue for mine.

Breath of my breath.

Though it gave me life,

Mine ended with its departure

Will I ever live again?

For the death of you,

Brought forth a woman I am yet to meet.

The self, not mine anymore.

LEGITIMATE LOVE AFFAIR...

You are a page I closed long ago,

A book I am yet to shelve,

Because I want nothing to do with anymore.

I would have disposed of you,

But shouldn't we be kind?

I choose to keep you off the stores, book sales or anyone's shelves,

My enemy's too.

Your words, nothing as interesting any more.

Your cover, 

Worked perfectly to hide secrets I thought were once intriguing.

Foolish I have been,

Confused,

Over interest, for poor judgement.

A good-read you were meant to be.

My very own Charles Dickens,

Oh, a series I thought would never end,

A sequel whose release I waited for with baited breath.

Before the wisdom in the books,

I had little knowledge,

None you can say.

But oh I am wiser now,

Well-read they say.

With all you taught me,

I can be a better author,

Have award-winning books,

For that, Sir,

I hand you the best title,

Crispy,

Legitimate love affair,

My sins wrapped in a box,

Signed, sent, delivered,

With a ribbon on it,

Your name all too bold.

THE GRAVEYARD...

Sun is out,

So I'm up.

Tired though from the battles I have had to fight in the night,

Alone though,

With my subconscious,

And thoughts of you.

Day's started,

And I know not what I am required to do,

Expected to do,

If not sit here and cry for you.

Another name on the list,

Another epitaph on the graveyard that is my soul.

Here lies the man full of lies,

The lives you took,

The joys you killed.

Your death shouldn't come as a shocker,

But no.

Why so?

When the happiness I took,

Was all spared for you.

The lyrics to a beautiful song,

Transformed into sadness so deep you could cut with a knife.

And watch the blood flow so peacefully,

A joy I am yet to see,

Feel,

You in ways I thought we both would.

Didn't we say we would dance forever?

Under the sun or in the rain?

High and low and wide and thin.

Lay your hand on my waist,

Spread my arms out, let me fly.

Replay the titanic.

I opened my eyes,

And nothing but the iceberg,

Cold like your heart,

And my warm smile, slowly turned upside down.

The sun is out,

And I am up,

But the cold in me,

As real as the iceberg.

Let me die a cold death,

Another on the list of deaths,

In the graveyard that is my soul.

 

 

 

PAS DE DEUX...

The battles I have to fight have caught up with me,

Crying doesn't seem to cut it,


Deep like the fear of seeing tomorrow,

Will I like him?

Will he still love me?




Will he remember the violin tune?

 A sound I thought was long gone,

One I thought I'd never hear again,

The sound we danced to, all day, everyday.

Will he still remember the dance?

Will he pick the cue?

Are you still the one for me?

Promises we made,

Still fresh if you asked me.

Leaving you behind would mean I should start a new journey,

A new one, that I cannot take without you.

I don't want to.

Please don't make me.

Every tune brings me to you.

Don't say anything,

If goodbye is all that's on your tongue.

It's a taste I hate.

Long not to know.

Did I fail the test?

Am I not the best dancer you longed to be with?

A sole ballerina, I refuse to become.

My pas de deux,

Ne me laissez pas danser seuls.

Don't let me dance alone. 

Yesterday everything seemed alright.

I was so sure I would love the idea of facing tomorrow.

I thought time healed all wounds.

All it did was open mine I thought were long healed.

My heart begs me to stop in my tracks.

I long not to move forward.

Fear engulfs my heart.

Worry, my constant company.

THE RED VELVET ROPE...

I held on for so long,

Long enough to let my feelings known,

long are the nights I sat up,

Deep in thought.

I did not know how to go about it.

Like a baby,


My first step was filled with excitement and fear alike.

Like the candle in the dark,

I knew,

I just knew no matter how dark it got,

The darkness wouldn't blow out my light.

Light.

It got dim sometimes.

Many times.

And every time,

I got weaker.

I kept holding on to the red velvet rope.

Soft to the touch,

Stronger than I ever thought it would be,

Could be.

There are days I was to afraid to make the first step to make my day.

Always hiding in lyrics,

Saying,

Telling myself I shouldn't shine too bright,

That it was only meant for them.

Oh my boots are on,

Tight like the rope you hold out at me.

It's been hanging here long.

About time I took the knot and tied it.

JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIES...

I love you,

At least I think I did.

But then you,

You had to leave.

And now....

Just like in the movies,

I am torn between two,

I care for him,

And maybe you too.

I know,

I can't serve two,

I've got to choose,

Just like in the movies,

I hope I choose right,

But I could be wrong,

I could be wrong.

Perhaps I'm just being selfish,

More like stupid.

If it's there,

I should see it.

It shouldn't be,

It shouldn't be so hard.

From the very beginning,

You've been the truth,

My source of measure.

My point of reference.

Everyone had the uphill task to have to outdo you,

And now,

I have to choose,

Just like in the movies, yeah

My heart won't stop.

Even in his arms,

I still feel you,

Hear your heart beat.

What trumps the other?

Is it you?

Or not...?

Forget the movie.

This is not it.

 

LET GO...

It is in the way you let go of the hard stuff,

Sometimes it is all you can do.

Life does get okay sometimes,

It is not about how hard you got hit,

It's how hard you missed the chance to get hit.

Revenge is an option,

But working hard and getting ahead is a better option.
 
Facing one's fears may seem a high, rough road to take,



But it makes it easier,

The next moment, it won't be a hard thing to do it again.

It takes a brave girl to walk the path.

Let your light shine,

It is what you were born to do.

Have courage,

It makes a better you.

Aim to be great,

Always push yourself,

Harder than you did yesterday.

It's not the simple battles that make great kings.

It takes the tough, ugly, hard, bloody battles.

Get your fort,

Get your source of strength.

Find out who you are,

What is your purpose?

Do not live someone else's life.

Cry if you have to,

Feel like the earth should sink you,

That is all the strength you will gather to soar high up.

Going up the tallest mountain,

Breathing the fine air.

Sometimes, letting go may seem hard,

But there are so many things to live for,

Do not be confined to one, two or three excitements.

It is not about the bad day you had yesterday,

It's gone,

It's in the past,

You cannot change it.

You can learn from it though.

Bravery is not for the faint-hearted,

It is, bravery.

Let the sound of your voice,

Your abilities,

Be heard far and wide,

Selfishness,

Is a virtue,

Nobody will make you better other than yourself.

Do not be perfect,

All you should do is be brave,

Then you can let go of the hard stuff.

  

 

 

 

WHY DID YOU PUT UP A FIGHT?

If it did not matter to you,

Why did you put up such a huge fight?

If the moments were not as precious,

Why did you make them so?

I do not understand it.
 
Please help me,

Make me see through your eyes,

Do you feel this sadness?

Take my heart, take it.

You brought this here,

I asked for none of this.

Why did you put up a fight,

Only to leave me halfway through it.

Do you not have a heart?

Take mine.

Feel the fear it sees now.

Watch it bleed to the ground.

Touch it.

Lay your hand on it, to know the depth of your action.

Why did you put up such a huge fight?

If all you ever wanted was to leave.

HELP ME, I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU...

Help me, I'm falling in love with you,

The way you stare at me,

The way you say my name,

Letting it roll off your tongue,

You say my name and it's the most beautiful sound to my ears.

It's the way you place your hand around me as we wait,


Unplanned,

But I wished it stayed there,

For future plans.

It's the scent of your skin,

The feel of your touch,

The sound of your voice, telling me to walk beside you,

The deep stare when you look at me,

It's the person you are,

Towering over me,

Looking up never felt so fulfilling.

My arms around your neck,

My fingers taking the shape of your perfect frame,

Dark,

Smooth, fine and refined.

My feet fidget at the thought of you,

Rubbing each other for comfort only they understand,

Only they need.

Like my heart,

Longing to rub against you,

In a journey I've longed to take with you,

For many a long day,

Breathe my breath,

Take in my air,

Let me suffocate on your love,

While you drown me in it,

Paint me a picture of your being,

Will I be in it?

Evoke in me,

The strand so thin,

Yet long and strong, of life in love with you.