All I could think of was to drown my sorrows in the unending ocean horizon.
It had been a while.
Being alone was not new.
It had become the new ordinary.
I'd had enough trials,
Thought I could take a break from life,
From sight,
From walking,
even crawling proved too hard.
All I needed was a pause button,
And something,
Someone to remind me that I'm alive,
Because lately, it felt like I was not alive,
Not dead,
on a pause button.
The sand beneath my feet,
The water,
Undecided on how deep it should have me in,
Leaving as soon as it arrived.
Just when I thought it was time for some cold relaxation,
Heat hit me harder than I expected.
And left me,
Cold,
All too familiar a feeling.
I decided to stop.
Stop looking,
Stop searching,
I'd picked up enough trials to last a lifetime,
I had spread myself too thin.
I did get them all,
But who am I kidding,
The scars they left were more than I wished to admit,
Deeper than I wished to look,
My own abyss,
So scary I couldn't pull myself out.
I need a pause button.
I didn't see him pass by,
The smell of art pulled me close,
I looked and saw myself,
The younger version,
Stronger,
More beautiful.
I had been here before,
I'd seen the rising sun, with its immense beauty, and waited patiently, anxiously, sadly, for noon.
It came,
And scorched harder, hotter than my skin could withstand.
I knew evening would come, when the rays would be hot, but not burning,
I admired the setting sun,
Its golden hue on his face,
A face I longed to touch all the time.
His frame, a perfect sky to have a sun,
My palms constantly itched to have him in them.
My heart knew too well the sun would set,
But my flesh,
My flesh cried for more,
Wailed,
To have time stand still,
Let the sun not set on the need to have man stay a while longer.
It set.
The cold kicked in.
The darkness of the night,
No moon merciful enough to shine down on me,
Stars, full of hatred for who I had become.
Yet, he stood by.
We didn't say much.
I couldn't look him in the eye,
But my heart knew how his brown eyes curved when he smiled,
How his lips twitched when he was being shy,
How his fingers clutched at a pebble, right before he threw it in the sea.
Common,
Was the word you'd use to define us.
Boy meets girl,
That's how simply he gauged us.
But not me.
I saw more than just a boy.
I saw more than curved eyes and twitched lips,
I saw fingers that would run down my back,
And play me like a musical instrument yet unknown.
I saw the sun rise,
When all expected sun set.
I saw golden hues,
When I should have seen dark clouds.
He'd passed me by,
I stood by the beach,
Sand beneath my feet.
My eyes curved at the sight of the unending ocean horizon,
My lips twitched at the thought of a cold heart,
My fingers picked a pebble,
And threw it far as I could,
Perhaps,
I hit my pause button.
No comments:
Post a Comment